Punishment which involves harsh words, shouting, screaming, hitting a child, in short, aggressive measures will create aggressive behavioral problems in the child. Is that revenge? Certainly not! The child is angry and he is hurting both physically and emotionally. If a punishment is harsh, the child will be angry but sometimes may be scared of the parents and vent his frustration at a younger sibling instead. Instead of teaching the child that whatever he did was wrong and shouldn’t be repeated, the parents are teaching him to become more aggressive or fearful.
In very young children, especially those under 5 years old, they will retaliate by screaming, breaking things, hitting back, or going into severe temper tantrums. The message of teaching something appropriate to the child is lost once the child retaliates!
Yet, if the parents choose to ‘practice’ clam discipline which is basically action for action; minus the harsh punishment, the message of appropriate behaviour would be better programmed into the child’s brain. For instance, if a child has done something inappropriate, create a “time-out” situation. Time-out works very well with children under 5 years. Some parents may grumble that “time-out never works for me – the child is still naughty”.
Thus, there are a few simple rules to adhere to strictly: -
Time-out should never last more then two minutes at a stretch.
Never use the bathroom or store room as a time-out space.
Discipline should never create fear.
You can use a corner of a room with the child facing the corner.
Do no look at or say anything to the child while you put her/him at time-out.
If she/he tries to escape, just put your hands on his shoulder to prevent him/her from going so.
If a child cries, ignore him/her – do not look at and talk to the child until the time is up.
After the two minutes, take the child back to his original spot and leave him/her to do what he was doing previously.
She/He may test your reaction again by doing something naughty – just put her/him back in time-out again and repeat the whole process if the child keeps on doing something inappropriate.
Continue until the child gets the message that every time she/he does something naughty, time-out will be the reaction. I remember a time when I have to put a child in time-out for 8 times within a span of 20 minutes until she/he promised not to repeat his misbehaviour.
It may be exhausting for the parent but believe me time-out practiced correctly can work wonders!
By Kana Kanagasingam
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